November 17

Are you being abused – by YOURSELF??

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Are You Abused?

Many women are in terrible relationships where they are physically, and emotionally abused. But in these cases, it’s a boyfriend, husband, or someone else who is perpetrating this misery upon them. It’s a terrible way to live, and very difficult for many women to break free from their abuser. So many women are suffering in silence and making excuses for the physical bruises. Most of those will heal, but the emotional abuse goes even deeper.

Abusing Yourself 


But for many women the abuser is YOURSELF! Think about it: do you call yourself horrible names? Do you look in the mirror and call yourself ugly, disgusting or other demeaning terms? Do you push yourself to do excessive exercise? Do you starve yourself?

This too, is abuse. Your body may not show the effects of beating, but there are physical effects from over-exercise. It’s stressful for your body.

Emotional self-abuse can be even worse. You can leave your abuser and escape. But when you are constantly putting yourself down: commenting on how horrible your appearance is, your lack of will-power, how others will think you are a fat cow, escape is not possible. Wherever you go, there you are.

Who Made You Hate Your Body?

parent humiliating a child damages them for life
 

Babies are happy in their body. A child learns from others that their body is flawed. Then you start to hate your body. Which came first, your lack of self-esteem, or your being overweight? For many women, this pattern began as a young child. Under the age of six years old, the brain is like a sponge. You are constantly learning in every situation about yourself and how life operates.

When a child is abused or humiliated by a parent it leaves a deep emotional scar. The ACE STUDY of abusive childhood experiences shows how the effects of abuse, humiliation and neglect in early childhood effects adults level of both physical and mental health. 

Learning To Hate Fat from Your Parents

Many of the women with whom I speak, comment about how their fathers put down their mothers for being fat. A little girl learns how to be a woman, and mother from her own mother. Even though she never saw her mother as overweight, and loved her, this is a powerful lesson. Her father taught her that fat is ugly, and that she won’t be loved if she is overweight.

This can start you on a life long pursuit of being thin. Fat phobia is a fear that you will never be accepted or loved because you are not thin. And being bullied for your weight often results in eating disorders

mature woman feel ashamed and depressed


Bullying of Fat Children

heavier children are the victims of bullying


Emotional abuse doesn’t have to come from your family. Teasing and being humiliated as a child (and as an adult) makes a deep scar. We are taught that “sticks and stones will break your bones, but words can never harm me”. Bones heal faster and completely. Hurtful words stay in your mind, and can root themselves into your subconscious mind. If you try to recall the happiest thing anyone has said to you, I bet you can recall the most humiliating words a LOT faster.

The fact is that most of the victims of bullying are overweight. Being humiliated as a child just makes you feel even worse and find comfort in food.

Embarrassment and Shame

Embarrassment and shame are stressful and harm your emotional and physical health. If you try to recall a physical pain you experienced, you can describe it, but it’s almost impossible to actually “feel” the same physical sensation. However, just conjure up those humiliating words, and you are back in that identical situation, re-experiencing the emotional shame. You may feel pressure in your chest, your stomach or other areas of your body.

You MUST Stop Abusing Yourself


The first step to any change is awareness. It’s hard to change a subconscious pattern by saying “I’m NOT going to say….”. That creates a vacuum. Instead, have a substitute, positive statement that you say as soon as you are aware of a negative thought. Don’t get angry at yourself, but be forgiving instead. Learn how to re-parent yourself as a perfect, gentle, loving parent. Be the best parent or mentor you could possibly be to that hurt child inside of you. 

woman accepting and loving herself


EFT Tapping To Release The Habit


For an abused person to heal, s/he needs first to feel physically safe, grounded and centered in the present moment. Realizing that you are safe is the basic need described in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Once you KNOW and feel safe, you can move up to higher functions towards self-actualization. Lack of safety is stressful to the Mind/Emotions/Body, and will prevent any healing. The body is stuck in chronic stress until that is achieved.

There are many Energy Psychology tools that can help you release the fear and establish a feeling of security and safety. The ones I rely on are EFT Tapping, HeartMath and EMDR.

As a minimum, listen to the words that are floating around in your head, and replace them with positive statements about being safe, and worthy of love – just the way you are!

Make sure to get my free report, so that you can join my webinars and learn strategies to improve your well-being AND your weight by being kind to yourself! That starts with accepting your body and loving the special person you are.


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Leave a Reply
  1. Great post. I agree we are often our own worst enemy. I write about my struggles with negative self talk. It really is a lot of work to be kind to yourself.

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