Many women are in terrible relationships where they are physically, and emotionally abused. But in these cases, it’s a boyfriend, husband, or someone else who is perpetrating this misery upon them. It’s a terrible way to live, and very difficult for many women to break free from their abuser.
But for many women the abuser is YOURSELF! Think about it: do you call yourself derogatory names? Do you push yourself to do excessive exercise? Do you starve yourself?
This too, is abuse. Your body may not show the effects of beating, but there are physical effects from over-exercise. It’s stressful for your body.
Emotional abuse can be even worse. You can leave your abuser and escape. But when you are constantly putting yourself down: commenting on how horrible your appearance is, your lack of will-power, how others will think you are a fat cow, escape is not possible. Wherever you go, there you are.
Which came first, your lack of self-esteem, or your overweight?
For many women, this pattern began as a young child. Under the age of six years old, the brain is like a sponge. You are constantly learning in every situation about yourself and how life operates. Many of the women with whom I speak, comment about how their fathers put down their mothers for being fat. A little girl learns how to be a woman, and mother from her own mother. Even though she never saw her mother as overweight, and loved her, this is a powerful lesson. Her father taught her that fat is ugly, and that she won’t be loved if she is overweight. This can start you on a life long pursuit of being thin.
Emotional abuse doesn’t have to come from your family. Teasing and being humiliated as a child (and as an adult) makes a deep scar. We are taught that “sticks and stones will break your bones, but words can never harm me”. Bones heal faster and completely. Hurtful words stay in your mind, and can root themselves into your subconscious mind. If you try to recall the happiest thing anyone has said to you, I bet you can recall the most humiliating words a LOT faster.
If you try to recall a physical pain you experienced, you can describe it, but it’s almost impossible to actually “feel” the same physical sensation. However, just conjure up those humiliating words, and you are back in that identical situation, re-experiencing the emotional shame.
You MUST Stop Abusing Yourself
The first step to any change is awareness. It’s hard to change a subconscious pattern by saying “I’m NOT going to say….”. That creates a vacuum. Instead, have a substitute, positive statement that you say as soon as you are aware of a negative thought. Don’t get angry at yourself, but be forgiving instead. Learn how to re-parent yourself as a perfect, gentle, loving parent.
EFT Tapping To Release The Habit
For an abused person to heal, s/he needs first to feel physically safe, grounded and centered in the present moment. Realizing that you are safe is the basic need described in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Once you KNOW and feel safe, you can move up to higher functions towards self-actualization. Lack of safety is stressful to the Mind/Emotions/Body, and will prevent any healing. The body is stuck in chronic stress until that is achieved.
As a minimum, listen to the words that are floating around in your head, and replace them with positive statements about being safe, and worthy of love – just the way you are!
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