Fat Shamers are MEAN and Insensitive
People who fat shame others are mean, shallow, ignorant and insensitive. Those words perfectly describe people who berate you, call you names, tell you what to eat, and what NOT to eat are doing. I am so sorry that anyone has to deal with mean and shallow people who think they have the right to judge you.
Anti-Fat Bias
Anti-fat bias is not the exception, but the cultural rule. And it is based on the MISCONCEPTION that people get fat by being gluttonous and lazy. That faulty belief leads to the conclusion that you can get thin if you diet and exercise. This assumption then leads to the certainty that you choose NOT to do the work to get thin because you have a character flaw. ALL OF THIS is PATENTLY FALSE and based on biased research and beliefs that end up discriminating and hurting a large portion of the population unnecessarily.
How To Stop Anti-Fat Bullying
The bullies who berate fat people are totally ignorant of these facts, and continue to berate and blame fat people. They justify their mean words and actions by saying something like: "if you want it to stop the bullying just lose weight!"
It's like they think that a fat person never heard of a diet! I have never met a heavier person who hasn't tried some kind of restricted diet or exercise to lose weight. They are some of the most disciplined and hard-working people! But the fact is, even if dieting and exercise did work to drop some pounds the weight loss is never maintained for 98% of the population! That's not because someone cheated, but because it is a natural response of the body to bring you back to a higher weight set-point!
And furthermore, weight-cycyling is more dangerous to your health! It's known as yo-yo dieting, where you go up and down, losing weight and then going back to a higher weight time after time. But people with an anti-fat bias still blame the heavier person and think that they are lying, cheating on their diets, or didn't try hard enough.
Anti-fat Bias Overshadows Everything in your Life
The anti-fat bias is not something that you can ignore if you are larger bodied. It shapes the course of your life- and can sometimes even cause your death when your doctor ignores real medical issues and blames everything on your weight!
Anti-Fat Bias Mindset
The worst and saddest thing is when YOU BELIEVE that you created this problem in yourself. Anti-fat brainwashing and gaslighting are so pervasive that you must consciously work to stop believing the lies and MYTH-information put out by the diet and medical industry.
Speak Up- Be Assertive to Fat-Shamers
Being fat shamed, being stigmatized for your weight is so hurtful and stressful that it can actually change your weight. It hurts, it doesn't motivate you or help you in any way! It’s good to have a strategy to deal with people like this so you don’t walk away from the event saying: “I SHOULD have said….” and then feeling even worse about yourself. It’s time to learn Assertiveness Training!
Secondly…. Smaller bodied people have a condition called: Thin Privilege. They don't even realize how much easier life is for them! Doctors are also responsible for fat shaming.
Those who shame you are not doing something to help you. They may claim they’re trying to help, but they are not! They are intentionally hurting you and embarrassing you – and making themselves seem like THEY are superior people because they are a “normal” weight. Unfortunately, they are also ignorant of the facts that “eat less and exercise more” does NOT work to have you lose weight permanently – even IF you continue to “watch your weight”. It’s as if they think you’ve never tried to lose weight! I’m certain you tried, and probably dieted MANY times, but you undoubtably regained it! And worst of all is it's almost impossible to change their mind, even by showing them LOTS of unbiased research and evidence!
Helping by Shaming?
If they actually think they are helping you get healthy by fat shaming, it would be helpful for them to learn facts and discover that yo-yoing up and down with your weight is even worse for your health. So if they REALLY cared about your health, they should mind their own business until they understand that dieting is the worst thing you can do to if you want to lose weight!
If the fat-shamers are in your family, you can tell them that you appreciate that they may think they are helping, but they are not; and please cease their commentary. If they continue to tell you that they are trying to “help” you, get them the book: “The Obesity Myth” by Paul Campos and educate them. In fact, educate yourself so you know ahead of time, all of the specifics that you can quote to them about how diets don’t work!
If these fat-shaming people are “friends” they are not really friends. Again, explain to them that they are NOT helping you, but making you feel worse about yourself, and upset with them! If they don’t change their comments, get some new friends! Leave them behind.
When strangers fat shame you, just think of them as low-lifes whose opinions mean nothing to you – because indeed, they are judgmental, and I’d be willing to be they are not perfect human beings if they are judging you!
The hardest fat shaming person to deal with is yourself
Until you really understand that weight gain is not something that has happened to you because you are a failure, and learn about the REAL causes of gaining weight, and what dieting actually does, you will hold yourself responsible and blame yourself!
I used to dream that I cheated while I was on a diet, and in the morning I hated myself so much that it gave me the motivation not to eat anything that wasn’t on my diet the entire day! Yes, I had discipline; but what I didn’t understand is: that will NOT make you succeed at losing weight and MAINTAINING weight loss. It was NOT my fault. And blaming myself and hating my body was actually a large part of the problem of gaining weight. It is all a big fat lie!
What is Causing You to Gain Weight?
Why and how did you gain this weight? I’m sure those people will tell you that it’s because:
you ate too much,
you ate the wrong food,
you didn’t exercise enough,
you are lazy,
you have no control over yourself,
you have no self-discipline.
Well, I’m here to tell you that they are all WRONG!
For many women gaining weight is caused by DIETING! And the reason you are dieting is because you are unhappy with your body. It took me decades to realize (duh!) that every time I dieted, I lost weight for a while, plateaued (got stuck at a weight where no more weight would budge further down), and then started regaining the weight I struggled to lose – sometimes it happened while I was still dieting!
Do NOT EVER diet again!
Dieting to lose weight is like taking a pill to stop the pain in your foot instead of removing the pebble from your shoe…. If your body type is inherited from your family, you are going to look like them, more or less. But in most cases, weight gain is CAUSED because of being unhappy, and stressed. It increases cortisol which changes your metabolism (slows), makes it hard to get enough sleep (which alone can make you gain weight).
Dieting is the pebble: stress relief is taking the pebble out of your shoe.
But taking the pebble out of your shoe is not necessarily going to help you to lose weight – but it will keep you from gaining more (unless your weight gain is related to a health condition or genetics). And in some cases, it may help you to manage your weight. AND it will make you a lot happier in your life, which can affect many aspects of your health and relationships.
Find things to do to manage stress, like practicing stress relief with the HeartMath EmWave device daily. Do activities that make you happy; read books that support you as you are; find TRUE friends who accept you for who you are…
Love yourself like your dog would love you – no matter what you look like!
Love yourself unconditionally- just like your dog loves you!