skinny person fat shaming

Just by looking at her, you can tell you wouldn’t be friends with that thin woman!

Fat Shaming

People who fat shame others are mean, shallow, and ignorant. Those words perfectly describe people who berate you, call you names, tell you what to eat, and what NOT to eat are doing. I am so sorry that anyone has to deal with mean and shallow people who think they have the right to judge you. It’s good to have a strategy to deal with people like this so you don’t walk away from the event saying: “I SHOULD have said….” and then feeling even worse about yourself. It’s time to learn Assertiveness Training!

Secondly…. the people who shame you are not doing something to help you. They may claim they’re trying to help, but they are not! They are intentionally hurting you and embarrassing you – and making themselves seem like THEY are superior people because they are a “normal” weight. Unfortunately, they are also ignorant of the facts that “eat less and exercise more” does NOT work to have you lose weight permanently – even IF you continue to “watch your weight”. It’s as if they think you’ve never tried to lose weight! I’m certain you tried, and probably dieted MANY times, but you undoubtably regained it! Fat shamers think there’s some character flaw you have because your body doesn’t conform to standards that THEY think are appropriate.

Helping by Shaming?

If they actually think they are helping you get healthy by fat shaming, it would be helpful for them to learn facts and discover that yo-yoing up and down with your weight is even worse for your health. So if they REALLY cared about your health, they should mind their own business until they understand that dieting is the worst thing you can do to if you want to lose weight!

If the fat shamers  are in your family, you can tell them that you appreciate that they may think they are helping, but they are not; and please cease their commentary. If they continue to tell you that they are trying to “help” you, get them the book: “The Obesity Myth” by Paul Campos and educate them. In fact, educate yourself so you know ahead of time, all of the specifics that you can quote to them about how diets don’t work!

If these shamers are “friends” they are not really friends. Again, explain to them that they are NOT helping you, but making you feel worse about yourself, and upset with them! If they don’t change their comments,  get some new friends! Leave them behind.

If fat shamers are strangers, just think of them as low-lifes whose opinions mean nothing to you – because indeed, they are judgmental, and I’d be willing to be they are not perfect human beings if they are judging you!

The hardest fat shaming person to deal with is yourself

Until you really understand that weight gain is not something that has happened to you because you are a failure, and learn about the REAL causes of gaining weight, and what dieting actually does, you will hold yourself responsible and blame yourself!

I used to dream that I cheated while I was on a diet, and in the morning I hated myself so much that it gave me the motivation not to eat anything that wasn’t on my diet the entire day! Yes, I had discipline; but what I didn’t understand is: that will NOT make you succeed at losing weight and MAINTAINING weight loss. It was NOT my fault. And blaming myself and hating my body was actually a large part of the problem of gaining weight. It is all a big fat lie!

What is Causing You to Gain Weight?

Why and how did you gain this weight? I’m sure those people will tell you that it’s because:

  • you ate too much,
  • you ate the wrong food,
  • you didn’t exercise enough,
  • you are lazy,
  • you have no control over yourself,
  • you have no self-discipline.
  • Well, I’m here to tell you that they are all WRONG!

The primary reason you are gaining weight is because you are DIETING! It took me decades to realize (duh!) that every time I dieted, I lost weight for a while, plateaued (got stuck at a weight where no more weight would budge further down), and then started regaining the weight I struggled to lose – sometimes it happened while I was still dieting!

To make matters even worse, after each diet, I’d regain the weight, PLUS some additional “insurance pounds” that my body put on in case I happened to starve again! In essence, I dieted myself to fat! And once you move that set point up higher, you cannot get it lower by dieting! It took a long time to realize this, and a lot of heart ache. My amazing discovery was: this was not just my problem. It’s what happens to 95{5b8e831512cf0c284f7edae7fc403e9a09e5b1736c5b1d60e4451a29dc064ebe} of people who go on ANY diet, or “lifestyle change” or become vegetarian, paleo, etc…. Diets do NOT work! Only 5{5b8e831512cf0c284f7edae7fc403e9a09e5b1736c5b1d60e4451a29dc064ebe} of people maintain weight loss, and NO ONE knows why! That means that 95{5b8e831512cf0c284f7edae7fc403e9a09e5b1736c5b1d60e4451a29dc064ebe} of people who diet are going to GAIN weight!

Do NOT EVER diet again!

taking a pill to stop pain from a pebble in your shoe is not going to solve the problem for your pain!

Dieting to lose weight is like taking a pill to stop the pain in your foot instead of removing the pebble from your shoe…. If your body type is inherited from your family, you are going to look like them, more or less. But in most cases, weight gain is CAUSED because of being unhappy, and stressed. It increases cortisol which changes your metabolism (slows), makes it hard to get enough sleep (which alone can make you gain weight).

Dieting is the pebble: stress relief is taking the pebble out of your shoe.

But taking the pebble out of your shoe is not necessarily going to help you to lose weight – but it will keep you from gaining more (unless your weight gain is related to a health condition or genetics). And in some cases, it may help you to manage your weight. AND it will make you a lot happier in your life, which can affect many aspects of your health and relationships.

Find things to do to manage stress, like practicing stress relief with the EmWave device daily. Do activities that make you happy; read books that support you as you are; find TRUE friends who accept you for who you are…

dog licking face of a fat woman

Love yourself like your dog would love you – no matter what you look like!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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