I have a lot of trouble when a thin person, who was never plus size tells me about how to accept my plus size body. Even if they did have an eating disorder, or disordered eating, if they were never plus size- except in their own mind, they never suffered from the bullying, shaming, blaming and difficulties that bigger people live with on a daily basis. They still lived a life of “thin privilege”.
It's easy for a thin bodied person to tell you to accept your plus-size body. They don't have to live in a body that is disparaged by society- and mostly by yourself as well. Living in a larger sized body can provide a daily reminder that you are not accepted by society the way you are.
If you read the article referenced above about "thin privilege" you will probably realize so many of the advantages that an average or thinner person has on a daily basis. Thin people don't realize how difficult it can be to live in a plus size body. But you MUST learn to accept your body. Because that is probably not going to change- at least permanently.
Diets Don't Work... for long
That's because dieting of any kind, including "life-style changes" have been proven NOT to work for long! Just look at Oprah for a prime example! She goes down, she goes back up; then she tries another diet, and goes down and up again. She has personal chefs, personal trainers, personal psychologists... Everything that money can buy. But she can't buy a new thin body.
But people forgive her because she hates herself and blames herself and keeps trying to achieve the impossible. What a terrible example she has been. She could have used all her time and energy to teach people to accept who you are and find a bigger and better purpose of your life other than focusing on your body size.
Shaming Plus Size People
Why is it that people think they have a right to shame plus size or heavier people?
Whereas more people are learning to keep their mouths shut and not disparage people outwardly (at least) for being a different race, heavier or fat people do not enjoy such luxury.
When I was a Guidance Counselor in middle school I used an example for the students to keep them from unnecessary fighting with their peers and others. They were always ready to fight if someone insulted their mother. So, I turned the tables on them: If a homeless, drunk person, with long filthy hair who smelled bad and had broken teeth said to you: “Your mother is a slut”, would you fight them?
“NO!” they all said.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because he’s a **** loser. He doesn’t know anything!”
That’s the way you have to think about anyone who insults you. Don’t give any “weight” to their nasty talk. The person who would do say something hurtful or insulting like that is mean and shallow and not worth your emotional reaction or response.
The reason that it hurts when someone says something about your weight is this: There is a part of you that believes them. Which means you need to work on yourself. You need to be able to totally accept yourself- even if the world tells you otherwise.
Do you have anything that you believe in that others don’t? That may be your belief in God, in the placebo effect, in extra-terrestrials’ or anything else. Do you stand up to people who try to tell you that you’re wrong, or you don’t let their beliefs bother you?
How to Believe In Your Self Worth
That’s where you need to be with your self-belief about your self-worth and how it has nothing to do with what your body looks like. You have to KNOW it… not just “believe”. You don’t believe in “GRAVITY”. You KNOW it exists!
But you’ve been conditioned from a young age. We have all been brainwashed by media, the news, friends and family. Your doctor tells you that being heavy is not healthy.
Number 1: Your doctor and everyone else is wrong about being unhealthy if you are over a certain weight. (read Health At Every Size, by Linda Bacon, Ph D.)
Number 2: There is NO KNOWN SOLUTION that maintains weight loss. Dieting and exercise just make your weight go down and up and down, and UP again. But it goes higher with each diet and restriction you try! And, that is more unhealthy for your body and your emotions than just remaining at one steady weight.
Number 3: The pressure that is put on you by these people- even if they are well-meaning is worse for you because it causes stress. And indeed, it may have been stress that has caused your weight issues in the first place!
(take for example the statistical fact that the lower the income level in the US, the higher the weight). And please don’t tell me this is because people eat cheaper food, or junk food or less expensive wine. There are plenty of thin people who eat junk food, but they’re not held accountable for their poor food choices.
Impact of Stress on Weight
Economic stress is one of the most extreme stressors people experience. Not having enough money in the bank to pay bills, your rent, to decide whether to eat or purchase necessary medication! Stress changes your weight by affecting your metabolism.
Accept Your Body Now - not WHEN
So, the most important thing you must do is this: accept your body the way it is. The probability is that no matter what you do, it will pretty much stay the way it is. No diet, no lifestyle has a better than 2-5% chance of having you lose and maintain weight loss. And it has a 95% chance of having you regain and add additional weight. VERY BAD ODDS.
Make Peace With Your Body for a Happy Life
Your only chance to be happy in life if to accept yourself NOW, the way you are. And ignore anyone who “feeds you” fake statistics created by the diet industry! You are not your body- your body houses your special soul that is here on the planet for more than a focus of looking good to others.
Once you are at a place where you finally stop dieting and accept yourself, then Mindful Eating (Intentional Eating) can actually help you re-learn how to listen to and trust your body. Mindful eating will only work once you reject the notion of restricting certain foods and dieting to lose weight. If you are not at that point, intentional eating will fail. You will feel even worse about yourself.
You will know when you are hungry and when you are full. Let me coach you to get to that place! I will teach you methods to start accepting your body and PRACTICE being nice to yourself every day. It feels so much better than treating yourself like a victim and calling yourself names. Contact me and let’s set up a call to discuss how we can work together.
Learn how to shut down critical voices. Assertive answers to people are totally acceptable. And if THEY can’t take it- screw them! They are not worth your effort. But at least you feel like you have stood up for yourself.
Learn how the Diet/Medical Industry is actually lying to you and the public. Yes, that includes Dr. Oz and Oprah so that you won’t believe any more diet lies!
The Serenity Prayer gives you the best way to deal with life. Use it as a mantra until your brain has changed to love yourself the way you deserve.